The Needs Merry Go Round
Can you tell I'm still pissed? I tried to have a conversation with his majesty the king. Psssh. It's like talking to a brick wall. Humans have needs. I get that. It would be nice if he'd share them with me. He likes to act like I'm not meeting his needs. I might not be for all I know. How can I know? He won't say. Maybe that's a control thing. Maybe he needs to be miserable, he wouldn't be the first person on the planet like that.
Here's the thing. I have needs to. Where I ask him what they are, only to be met with a refusal to say, he doesn't even ask me. He just doesn't care. All he thinks about is himself. It's like he needs to be a martyr, poor him, with his horrible wife. He doesn't like me to meet his friends, they will get to know me and realize that I'm not the harpy he says I am. True, I am probably nastier to him than I am to anyone else, but I'm not horrible.
He's so stupid! I have this urge to repeatedly punch him in the head, right in the nose. He's not happy, I'm not happy, yet he doesn't want to have any kind of meaningful conversation. Stupid ass.
Yet what can I do? In the end, I still love him. I do want to work on things. I don't want to be unhappy and I don't want him to be unhappy. You hear of or know these great couples, but are they really that great? Are they living lives of quiet desperation or are they truly a happy team? Are great marriages something that Hollywood sells us or is it a possibility? Are we all so damaged that what we take for happiness is really just some nasty form of co-dependence? Maybe. Who knows.
We are a nation of adults that were raised by single parents. (not across the board, I'm just making a point) So what do we even know of relationships? Promiscuous male celebrities are praised but when the celebrity is a female, she's a whore. What is right?
Where do we go from here?