Of Pride and Prejudice

One of the insidious facets of the Mormon Church is the pride of the members. They are taught that they are God's elect people, saved and chosen for these last days before Christ returns to earth. There is extreme pride that goes along with that. "We" are chosen, "We" are God's elect, ie: "We" are better than the rest of the human population.

Children don't like to feel different from their peers. This is difficult for children growing up in an area with a low Mormon population. I lived in Utah from the time I was one until I was nine. I again lived there for a year when I was fourteen. Utah is a different country. There is a herd mentality. The church itself has said that when the "Prophet" (the head of the church) speaks, all thinking has been done. So to then live in Pennsylvania, where the Mormon population is low, was difficult.

Adding to that difficulty is the inherent superiority complex taught by the church. Top it off with the sexism and racism of the church, and living outside of Utah is a nightmare. Church members are discouraged from associating with non-members. So what to do when you know larger numbers of non-members? You end up lonely, and estranged from both.

Along with the superiority complex comes the judgements. I was raised by a courageous single mother. Since the church teaches "eternal" marriages are required for salvation, what then of us? Well, the wonderful church has an answer: polygamy. In order to obtain the highest eschelon of heaven, which the Mormons call the Celestial Kingdom, men will have more than one wife. So my wonderful mother was to be relegated to second or twelfth wife? Why do women need a man to obtain salvation in the first place? Why was my mother second rate without a husband?

I'm sorry this was a bit disjointed, I'm more thinking outloud. And I'm angry. I spent my life in this cult that calls itself a church and I feel that I will struggle with this brainwashing for the rest of my life. After years of being inactive I tried to go back. I studied the Book of Mormon, I met with the missionaries, and I attended church meetings regularly. I was still shunned, as I had committed the cardinal sin of marrying a non-member. The efforts of friendshipping me and bringing me back to the fold actually centered on fellowshipping my husband in the hopes that he would join the church. Because having a penis is of uber importance. More important than simply being a human being with needs. Thanks to growing up with the brainwashing of the cult, somewhere in the back of my head there is this voice that whispers, "Without a man, you are nothing."